i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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