I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
