last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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