I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
