If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
