I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
