I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
