We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
