i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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