we have officially lost it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
