Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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