Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The maid of honor just puked.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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