Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
