you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you had me at cake vodka
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
