In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
