You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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