so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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