The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
