but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
