Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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