How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
