the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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