Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
