I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
