The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
