Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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