i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
