Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Two words: blizzard sex
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
