There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
