i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
