we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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