They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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