Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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