There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I believe in your delicious
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
