How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize