Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
