He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
