marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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