currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
