yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
