I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
