I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
