We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
