I'm so fucking centered right now
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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