No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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