there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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