I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
