I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
