i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
