Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
