Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There r osticjed everywhere
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
