People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
