you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
