i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
