Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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