I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
