i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
As shirtless as possible
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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