I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
