well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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