I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
