The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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