the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
