if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
