He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize