i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
