took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
