Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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