I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
