So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
