please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
