I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
