I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
