At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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