she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
