I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
