just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
