oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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