well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A bitchslap is in order.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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