a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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