Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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