Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
