I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize