He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
