I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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