i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
