Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
