you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
