hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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