Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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