how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
