im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
