I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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