if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
