and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
