The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My dick has a subreddit
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
