I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
