I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
