just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
not ubering you a puppy
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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