The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
