now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
