My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
