I CAN MOONWALK!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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