your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
