SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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