the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
