So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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