After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
