well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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