Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
